Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me,
the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe
clippers right here.'"
Click here to read on some of the most ridiculous complaints by holiday makers.
Here are some highlights:
1. A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".--- Yes, I've always wanted a man who could drag his wee-hu along the floor with a straight face. Your wee hu should be BIGGER than an elephant's! A divorce in this case is completely inevitable.
2. "The beach was too sandy." --- To be honest, I can definitely understand this. You find yourself still washing sand out of your butt crack after 3 weeks. Terribly unpleasant.
3. "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."--- Ah yes, sorry about that one. The fish are usually hanging around in Starbucks.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Top: Before, Bottom: After. During World War II the Army Corps of Engineers needed to hide the Lockheed Burbank Aircraft Plant to protect it from a Japanese air attack. They covered it with camouflage netting and trompe l’oeil to make it look like a rural subdivision from the air.
I realize this information is highly inapplicable to your personal life. It's still fricken cool! Don't worry next 'How to...' guide will be some relationship advice.
Friday, March 27, 2009
- Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
- Witness: "July 15th."
- Lawyer: "What year?"
- Witness: "Every year."
- Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
- Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
- Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
- Witness: "Er...his face."
- Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"
- Witness: "Yes."
- Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"
- Witness: "Yes, sir."
- Lawyer: "What did she say?"
- Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"
- Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
India moves to patent yoga poses in a bid to protect traditional knowledge. That's got to be a challenge - sometimes I can't tell the difference between yoga and the Karma Sutra.
Two of Greece's most wanted men have staged a daring helicopter escape from Athens' highest-security prison - for the second time in three years.
Armed robber and kidnapper Vassilis Paleokostas and his Albanian offsider Alket Rizaj were days away from standing trial for their escape in 2006.
They fled the prison after a helicopter landed on the jail's roof and threw them a rope ladder.
Click here to read more on the FAIL
Friday, February 20, 2009
i.e. it's not my fault that the nuns are bad business people.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Is it legal to shoot trespassers with a paintball gun, water cannon gun (Super Soaker), rubber band gun -- essentially any "non lethal" weapon -- within the city limits of Seattle?
Click here to see the answer
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
S.A.D. Mr. Mormon. Confirm fail in life.
1. More than 222 billion Big Macs
2. Pay off all US student debt
3. Mitt Romney's Utah ski home - more than 149,000 times over
4. 1,760 Celtics teams
5. Cover money lost in Madoff's scheme - 16 times over
6. Pay the salary of Massachusetts' top-paid worker for the next 1,283,713 years
| What would you spend $787 billion on? |
|All US student loan debt|
|11 years of salary for every elementary school teacher|
|222 billion Big Macs|
|45 million Pontiac G5s|
|19.6 billion digital TV converter coupons|
Share your preference by clicking on the link above.
Monday, February 16, 2009
With his piercing blue eyes and pale skin this rare alligator stands out like a sore thumb. Weighing over 500 pounds, Bouya Blan is one of only 12 white alligators in the world. The 22-year-old, whose name means white fog, lives along with three other giant leucistic alligators at the world famous Gatorland theme park in Florida.
Alllooo Laidees, I'm Pete, I like wawkin on va beach an the coordinates for ah ahmee baise in Afganistan ah FAIL.
Like this hot babe's profile pic? Add him as a friend! Doesn't matter that he's a convicted killer at a prison. He'll always be available to poke you. The 27-year-old is serving life at HMP Lindholme in South Yorkshire for stabbing a man through the heart.But he manages to access Facebook every day by using a mobile phone that was smuggled in to the jail. Brilliant security, really. Oh, and he also says being in jail is like being on holiday. Cheers.
These Nepalese crazy cats have succeeded in making me feel crap about myself. Walking up a few stairs throughout the day is enough exercise for me. These brothers walk up the Himalayas for the morning stroll. So just for kick, they're going to spend a day on top of Mount Everest.. you know... to take in the view. Don't forget to pack a picnic, boys.
This is the story of the most epic failtron to walk this earth... A man claims he's innocent and blames his identical twin for the crime. His birth certificate states a single birth. So he goes on to claim it was his Siamese twin. Some people are so dumb it's unreal. And why did his lawyer think this was a good defense to go with?
The worst part was that after his shitey defense failed, the defendant laughed and said, "it didn't work." You think?
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Don't believe me? Click here
Click here for a list of 8 people who are very happy they were fired from a job in their lives.
The list includes Jerry Seinfeld and Michael Bloomberg.
Could be you!
They forgot Mariah Carey though. Virgin Records paid her $28 million to get lost in 2002. Then she came out with The Emancipation of Mimi which went 6 times platinum. Fail Virgin.
A woman sadly failed on V-Day a couple of years ago.
She organized to jump out of a cake with lingerie on in the middle of the restaurant and propose to her boyfriend.
The fail part was that he said nothing and walked out the restaurant.